what if i leave

i wrote this when i was 16 and now im 20 and i am in a different country and im not mad at myself

what if when i leave i leave her behind

if i move away to another country

will i leave the ghost of 12 year old me who was getting touched by the wrong hands

will she sit on my bed with her head between her knees, crumbling together

will she stand on top of the meadow, where the primary school is

will she look at me angry because i left and she never made it out

will she be hysterical and sad or will she be happy and joyful that i left.

will i take her with me, keeping her safe, going to a place where im not afraid of bus stops and shops and men who might be him.

will she come with me, holding my hand, will we find a new apartment together where theres nothing to be afraid of

I hope i can take her with me, i hope that all parts of me will be free